The toilet was clogged last night. That was it for me. The toilet didn’t flush and I lost it.
I sat on the bathroom floor and sobbed so hard that I wasn’t sure my head would ever stop hurting. And then I pulled out my bible.
Colm had a seizure in school on Wednesday. I was driving a board member of the Star Institute to the airport and I didn’t see my phone frantically vibrating in the seat next to me until I got there, helped unload her baggage, and then looked at my phone to end the trip and go back online with Uber. I had 23 missed calls and a multitude of text messages.
My heart stopped.
I dialed my sister back and heard her say “Colm had a seizure in class, they took him to Children’s”.
I don’t know why that police officer didn’t stop me when I literally flew out of the east terminal. I know I was doing well over the 10 mph speed limit and yet no one came up behind me with lights flashing.
Somehow Google listened to my hysterical plea to call Children’s Hospital South Campus and dialed the number for me. Within minutes the doctor was on the line assuring me that Colm was doing great, he was responsive and his vitals were perfect.
We went to see our pediatrician that afternoon. Thursday night we stayed up until midnight only to get up at 5 am so Colm could be sleep deprived for the EEG Friday. Sunday morning he had another seizure in Sunday school. Only a short time after I had given the Sunday school teacher specific instructions on recognizing a seizure and what steps to take if she saw those indications that my baby boy was not okay.
Sunday afternoon I was told the life changing news. Colm is an epileptic. He needs daily medication, a new routine for recess at school, he won’t be playing soccer this year, he won’t be our pro football player after college, he shouldn’t swim, only time will tell whether he will get to drive, and a multitude of other things that just drastically changed our entire families lives. Most of all Colm’s.
This morning I had to tell him no, he couldn’t climb the ladder on the playground structure, and to please, please, please don’t jump around the slide, just slide down, quickly.
How do you tell an almost seven year old boy that he can’t play like that anymore?
How did I become this mother that is filled to the brim with fear in less than a week?
After crying until I didn’t think I could produce anymore tears, I picked up where I left off in church Sunday morning before my world collapsed.
Philippians 4:7 “And the peace of God, WHICH SURPASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”
He surpasses all my understanding. Which is minimal at the moment. I don’t understand any of this, but I’m told that he offers me peace. He guards my heart and mind. He will give me peace. Please pray for peace.