This September will mark 14 years since he left us. July will mark 7 years since he told me “everything will be okay” and kissed my cheek. I woke up that morning with those words and the feeling of that kiss on my cheek.
This morning I read about a dream a friend had where she got to say goodbye to her mother in law. Over the years I’ve had several friends tell me about dreams where they got to say goodbye.
Never in my life have I had such faith that God allows spirits to come in our dreams and give us closure. I’ve said many times and I absolutely believe that He allows things to happen for a reason. I don’t know how many lives Lane’s life changed with his death but I can look back and see how he impacted mine.
I don’t know why he had to die so young before we had any idea what this life held for us. But God knows that reason. God also knew that I would have a sweet brown eyed, brown haired, special needs boy that would grow to love wrangler jeans and button up cowboy shirts. He would be my introvert, he would teach me patience and the pleasure of quiet between two people. God knew that there would be a name I could give to Colm that would fit him on so many levels.
God didn’t take Lane home so I could give Colm his name, that’s a ridiculous idea. I believe there are more reasons than I could possibly fathom as to Gods reasoning for taking Lane. But the fact remains that shortly after finding out I was having a boy and my world was in chaos, Lane told me everything would be okay.
And I breathed. I relaxed. I cried. I accepted this reality.
God gives us dreams. And he fulfills his will.