For years I have gotten up in the morning, my whole body still aching from the days past, exhausted from a meager 4-5 hours of sleep. I’ve gotten up and wished so bad that I could just go back to bed. But I have a job and kids and LIFE to deal with.
For the past week I’ve gotten up and taken my husband to work, then taken the kids to school, then went out and drove more people around to make money for my family.
I’ve coordinated band practice, coding club, Awanas, appointments with neurologists, eye exam checkups, teeth cleanings, proper playdates, and battle of the books practices THIS WEEK.
I’ve made sure snacks were available, meals were made, medication was given, weather appropriate clothing was on.
I’ve had one meltdown that lasted about 20 minutes.
I’m not telling you all this so you can feel bad for me. This is my life. I’ve been doing this non stop run, run, run for 30 years and in the last 15 years I would say it’s only gotten worse. But I still do it, every. single. day.
On Sunday I really wanted to stay home. I didn’t want to go to church, I didn’t want to face anybody. But I did because someone had made commitments.
I don’t get to take a day off. If my feet hurt, I try a different pair of shoes. If I’m tired I might get coffee, or I drink a ridiculous amount of water since it’s really easy to become dehydrated and that is exhausting.
It’s a lot when 5 somebody’s depend on you. It’s a lot to make sure everyone is where they need to be and nobody is having a seizure. And when somebody gets to take a day off because their feet hurt and they’re tired after a long shift, I want to throw in the towel.
I want to walk away.
I want to let another adult figure this shit out.
But I can’t. Because 4 somebody’s would suffer and it’s not their fault. They didn’t ask for this, they didn’t take a vow to do this. They’re just trying to grow up and I’m trying to help them get there.