Here’s my disclaimer: I’m not judging anyone’s decision here and I’m definitely not declaring that anybody is going to hell for supporting the topic I’m about to embark on. This is simply the thoughts speeding through my brain and I have to get them out because if I don’t, I won’t sleep tonight.
There is a trending hashtag that somebody started on Twitter this week.
It’s a group of women that claim no regret for their decision. Announce the success they have achieved because they were not responsible for another human being.
But I’m sincerely curious, is there honestly no point in their lives since they made that decision that they didn’t regret it? As stated above, I’m not judging them because I don’t know their reasons. I don’t know if it was purely a selfish reason or if there was a legitimate medical reason to terminate.
Really, it’s none of my business. This is a stance I feel very strongly about, and if I do make this leap into the world of politics (stay tuned for a blog coming soon), abortion will be a topic that I fight to get out of our governments hands and solely into women and their doctors hands. Because it’s nobody else’s business.
But my question still lingers. Because as strongly as I feel that there is no easy answer and certainly no answer a government could supply, I feel just as strongly that it IS murder of an innocent child. And for the women that chose to terminate a life because “it wasn’t the right time”, I can’t imagine that you don’t feel regret, shame, and guilt.
Here’s why I feel this way —
Just over five and half years ago, I gave birth to a boy. A brown hair, brown eyed, moose of a boy. I was a single mother already, and suddenly I had a second child from a different father than my first child. During that pregnancy, I had several people tell me I should abort. Financially I was struggling, my mom moved to Denver to help me, and I was scared to death.
“You’re not prepared to do this”
“This wasn’t planned”
“Nobody would blame you”
And it went on and on and on…
It wasn’t an option for me though. I felt him within me, I had dreams of him, and I was already in love with him. I didn’t know how I was going to do it, I had no idea what lie before me.
I had no idea that I would make several career moves to provide for my babies. I had no idea about the next level of work ethic I would develop, working 60-90 hour work weeks as if it were something normal just to put a roof over their heads and food in their belly’s.
I had no idea that Colm would be labeled as a special needs child and that his personality and “special needs” would turn me into a more patient person. A more understanding mother. A more calm individual.
There isn’t a moment in time that I have ever regretted any of this though.
Has it been hard? Hell yes.
Could it have been easier? Hell yes.
But would I have been able to live with myself if I had chosen to kill such an amazing boy?
I know that without a doubt in my mind. And that’s why I can’t wrap my mind around these women that #ShoutYourAbortion.
I don’t believe you.
I can’t believe that we have a bunch of sociopaths walking around society.
And honestly, wouldn’t you have to be a sociopath to be able to lack any feelings of guilt?
Like I stated earlier, I don’t know the circumstances behind your decision. But I cannot believe that you don’t feel guilt. I cannot believe you don’t feel sorry for never knowing what that child could have brought to your life. I cannot believe that you’re completely satisfied with your decision.
It’s been hard. It’s been so. fucking. hard.
But I did it. And I’m still doing it. I’m still moving forward, growing, providing, and watching an incredible little boy turn into an amazing young man. And to think there were people that would have been okay never knowing him.
If #ShoutYourAbortion is about being honest about your experience then let’s be honest. Don’t tell the world how great your life is without a child though. Tell the world about the doubt and the questions you have at night when nobody is watching you. Tell the world about the guilt you face when you hear about an unexpected death that removed someone from someone else’s life. Tell the world about the life you imagine you could have had with a child.
Few mothers will ever tell you they regret their children.
I’m afraid there are so many women that will tell you how much they regret not holding their child though.