Why can’t children blow their noses? Like, put the tissue up to your nose, blow all the gunk into it, fold it, repeat. Minimize the amount of tissues because (1 I don’t like seeing your nostrils red and sore because it’s not use to paper being wiped across every other minute and (2 that shit is expensive.
How the hell did you forget to put your shoes and socks on when I handed you socks thirty seconds ago?
For the FIFTH freaking time, your coat is in that corner RIGHT THERE where you threw it!
Yes, I will turn the hotspot on in two seconds when I’m not navigating down this ice infested street. Take a chill pill.
Were you seriously just playing instead of getting breakfast?
Are you lying to me?
(Yeah she is. No I’m not!)
Seriously, I was talking to her, not you,and you know how I feel about tattle telling.
(Sorry mom. I love you)
I withhold from telling her to stop sucking up to me.
If you ever lie to me again, so help me, I will take away EVERYTHING.
Seriously. These children.