At 8:01 this morning, Colm walked into my bedroom and said “Ma, I need my medicine”. I was struggling to force my body awake and I asked him “You’re right buddy, what do you want to take your medicine with?”
“Colm? What kind of food do you want your medicine on?”
I turn to face the door and my son is standing there, turned away, head facing upwards to the right.
“Colm? Oh God, Colm!”
I ran over, he was stiff as a board. I gently took his backpack off his shoulders as I started counting in my head, laid him down, and turned him on his side.
A minute later he wanted to stand up. Fifteen minutes later he said “Yes”.
A friend described it as a computer rebooting. And it was potentially the best description I’ve heard yet.
30 minutes later we’re walking out the door, I’m calling in one child sick to school because the stomach bug has come to visit our home, and calling the other three kids in late because we have teeth cleanings scheduled this morning. We get to the dentist and I realize I should check and make sure Colm can get his teeth cleaned since he just had a seizure barely one hour prior. I have to fill out an all new medical history for him. I have to list his medications and the date of his last seizure.
And it hit me.
This is our new normal.
The rest of our lives could be derailed for 30 minutes to an hour because Colm has a seizure but then we go on with our day.
I’m not okay with this. This is not okay to me. And I can’t wrap my head around how this will ever be okay ever again.
Will I just become accustomed to seizures? Where else will I have to list an epilepsy diagnosis? Will Colm just randomly turn into a rebooting computer for the rest of his life?
I don’t want this to be our new normal but I think I have to accept this.
I had never seen anyone have a seizure before this morning. But in a matter of seconds I saw it, recognized it, responded appropriately, and didn’t completely lose my mind for almost an hour.
If I was being honest, I’ve been asking God that if this had to happen again, please let me be there. Not across town, not across the building, but right there, the first person to see it and be able to respond.
God answered my prayer and now I kind of regret it. It’s so weird, I want to do anything and everything to protect my baby, but damn I can’t get that image out of my head now.
This is it. Our new normal.