Pre-pregnancy, pregnancy, and post pregnancy. Which of the three is the lesser evil? I remember shortly after Elizabeth turned one I started craving the feeling of being pregnant again. Shortly after Christmas 2008 I got to see a friend that had recently given birth to twins. As I held those tiny precious beings, the yearning for another little one began with slightly more severity. All I could remember about my pregnancy with Elizabeth was the pleasure I felt feeling her move within me. The morning sickness, inability to walk normally, constant need to visit the bathroom, and more importantly the outrageous contractions I felt during delivery were a faint memory that I had convinced myself were those of another woman. Later that spring I found myself pregnant and while I was scared of going through it alone, I was also excited because I had built up pregnancy to be this beautiful peaceful log cabin buried in snow somewhere in the Rockie Mountains. I thought to myself “the next 8 months will be so amazing, no monthly visits from Aunt Flo, and my belly will look cute again!”Within a couple months the realities of pregnancy set it and I was cursing myself and every person around me for any reason I could come up with! My legs were cramping, emotions were raging, I had severe memory loss, and my belly had missed the cuteness memo. I quickly remembered why trading Aunt Flo’s monthly visit for swollen feet and ankles was not typically advised. However, what was done was done and there was no turning back. I had a baby boy that was growing within me and so I put my own selfishness aside and focused on growing a healthy baby. I knew he would eventually come out and give me my body back! The third trimester arrived insanely quickly and even continued fairly fast up to the 37th week. At that point though, time seemed to stop. My sweet baby boy had decided not to cooperate and was doing everything in his power to stay put in his nice yet cramped home. A few days before my 41st week of pregnancy I finally gave the doctor the go ahead on a scheduled c-section because I had convinced myself that the recovery process from major abdominal surgery would be infinitely better than bruised ribs and almost constant contractions that didn’t seem to be assisting in the dilation process. Once again, I felt that I was trading one evil for a lesser one.
It’s been two weeks now and I’ve almost convinced myself to ask my doctor to put Colm back as long as it will eliminate clogged milk ducts, the freezing sensation brought on by severe anemia, painful muscle spasms in my legs, and the pins and needles feeling surrounding my incision! I will admit though, the consolation prize for all of this torture is undoubtedly worth it. The fact that Colm can blow kisses at just two weeks old is the most amazing thing in the world to me!